I think it's important for us humans to live our own lives creatively - in our own special ways. I hope that my blogs will inspire or help you to make a difference in someone else's life...
About music, I have an obsession of listening to songs on my laptop or on the radio. I have a huge respect and admiration to many different artists like Phil Collins, Josh Groban, Janet Jackson, Mika Nakashima, Utada Hikaru, Katy Perry, Jennifer Lopez, Celine Dion and many more. I love to listen to these artists for hours. I think it's an addiction of mine. I enjoy listening to it.
When it comes to arts, I am a fan of Vincent Van Gough's paintings. I wish I can see his paintings with my own two eyes. I only see his paintings on the Internet. I still can't believe that someone like him have a mental disorder and he had good skills in painting and he killed himself. Despite of what happen, Vincent Van Gough is one of my inspirations in life because I have a mental health condition which is mania (a type of Bipolar I Disorder).
I am thankful that I am not alone. Many people have this kind of madness. Life is full of beauty and madness. I am thankful that I am born in this world and to experience life beautifully.
MY SPECIAL REQUEST BEFORE READING THIS MESSAGE: PLEASE PLAY THIS YOUTUBE MUSIC VIDEO AS YOU READ ALONG AND PLEASE PLAY THE SAME CLIP AGAIN - IF YOU ARE NOT FINISH READING THIS MESSAGE. I TRULY APPRECIATE THIS AND THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING.
To Matthieu,
My love for you will always shine like the sun, the moon and the stars around the brightest and darkest sky – like day and night. I will always be there for you – in spirit (No matter how far you are). I have no intention of interfering to your personal true happiness and desires on this planet Earth. Even though it really hurts me so much, not only to see you go away, but to see you falling in love with the person who can truly make you happy. And to that, there is nothing I could ever do – except to accept the fact that I am not the perfect person that you’re truly looking for.
You ignored my true feelings and I’ve got the message. I’ve been in love many times before I met you, but you made my life changed – in a better way. Meeting and falling in love with you created a better change in me – in a positive way (despite of my own battle against my personal inner demons, craziness, insanities and eternal darkness). I knew way back then, you wanted to enter to my own inner world by knowing few things about me, the usual places I wanted to go and the few words I could ever said to you. But, did you ever know what was going on with my head? Did you ever know what was going on in my own personal heart? If you want, I can show you…one by one – in many different forms of art. And yes, that includes love… my true love.
You know, you’re not the most perfect human being ever exist on this entire Universe. You don't have the creative abilities. You do not possess any of the visual and musical talent abilities. Many people hate you the way you run and manage things around. But me, what I cannot truly comprehend is…why am I so madly in love with you? Why do I have this feeling that I truly belong to you? Why could I accept you just the way you truly are? You know? The real you? Even I remember the times when you were so mad at me. I even remember about your personal inner jealousies when I tried to hear conversations from different people. You know, the time at the office? During office break on that day? During the time when you called and shouted my name for no reason – at all? And then, you came out from your office room to look for me – even though I was there? How in the world I can truly forget? How could I personally forget that I assumed the fact that you felt something special to me? Was that all a bunch of lies? I maybe right. I thought I knew many things about you, I realize I don’t.
Since that day, when I saw your photograph – kissing your own personal girl toy at some local cheap bar: THAT SHOCKED ME. My life has totally and completely changed. People around me from both past and present seem to me that they don’t recognize me anymore. Maybe they just don’t know me – in the first place. Maybe after all this time, before I even met you, I was just pretending about what kind of person I was. I just tried to hide all of my own personal sadness, pains and miseries – throughout the years of my own personal existence in this world.
I know that I did the rightful thing and I do it the hardest way. Unlike you, I had different experiences of what it was like to be tormented by the men I loved and respected. I even gave my soul to the devil because I was so stupid. I just want to be loved. That is all I freakin’ want. And THAT is all I freakin’ need.
To you, I knew you are making fun of me while reading this some sort of piece of crap. I’ll never going to see that with my own naked eyes, anyway.
I know that I completely lost the fight of wanting you to be with me. I know that for some unusual reason, you are not worried about it – at all. I’ll be fine. You’ll see me one day – when many people recognize my own personal works of art. I can prove it to the world that I embrace my true sense of self for who I am, what I truly become and people will remember my battle scars of my own personal heart. Alam kong Tagalog na itong sentence na ito, pero ipapakikita ko sa pagmumukha mo na mareregret mo balang araw (at sisiguraduhin ko talaga yan.) I will make sure of this. I can guarantee this. Life is like a major business deal, after all.
It’s good to feel this way – to feel so much pain. That’s why I love art. That’s why I love life. That is the reason I exist: To live my own life creatively…
My love can truly protect you – even if I don’t exist in your life anymore… I am the true warrior, after all: THE TRUE GODDESS WARRIOR OF LOVE that can truly protect you in spirit(until the day I die, until the day I can truly forget you or until the day I will fall in love with the right person). The rightful angel that can protect and guide you – even this angel has sold herself to the devil.
I believe it’s the end of my weakest sides. I can truly show you how strong I can truly become.
A letter that I can't truly send.
Created by: Melissa Redrino
Date: March 4, 2011
Day and Time: Friday at 11:30 P.M. Place: Jewish General Hospital
On the side note: Whoever reads this except this guy, Sorry about being so EMO. I have the right to express how I truly feel. The reason I can't send this message to him: He can't reply to me, anyway.
ART PHOTO BY: Melissa P. Redrino (a.k.a. melisified)
DATE: March 2, 2011 (Wednesday at 7:23 P.M.)
In Canada, Spring time is almost near. Usually, Canadians do a lot of Spring cleaning - just to get rid off the trash and the old things that they don't need. Clutter, in terms of the understanding of the Visual Art (from the viewer's point of view), it simply means confusion. There are plenty of things in one person's mind. To me, it also means that the direction of one person's life is still misguided or unattainable. In other words, this person's life is a complete mess (take a good look of me, for example (laughs)).
Now, let's talk about clutter.
As you can see (you can laugh at me about this), that is actually my kalat (kah-latt ---> Filipino Language Tagalog Dialect term for mess/clutter) on my actual desk. I am referring to the Art Photo above. Honestly, I don't usually use my own personal bedroom for months and months. So, I need to clean it up. Now, my own personal bedroom has a new purpose. I am personally going to use this bedroom for my Creative Arts and Therapy Studio.
For those who don't live in Canada, Spring season begins every March 21st of the year. One nurse in the hospital told me that it doesn't really matter. There were days in the Spring time that feel like Winter because of the snow and the cold. I believe there was a time when the snow appeared during Spring (in Canada, of course). I am not so sure what year it was.
In my current YouTube Channel, melisified (http://www.youtube.com/melisified), I will show a video clip in the future of what my Creative Arts and Therapy Studio looks like.
I hope you have a good day or good night somewhere around the world.
NOTE:I’VE WRITTEN THIS ONE ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO ON A PIECE OF PAPER. I JUST FOUND THIS WHEN I TRIED TO CLEAN MY OWN BEDROOM JUST THIS MORNING. I JUST WANT TO SHARE THIS PIECE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO IS EXPERIENCING DILEMMAS AT THIS POINT RIGHT NOW. I HOPE THAT THIS PIECE WILL BE YOUR INSPIRATION TO LIFT YOUR SPIRITS UP.
LANGUAGES: NORTH AMERICAN ENGLISH
It makes me feel uncomfortable when other people praised with “these people” with talents. Although, I have a talent that “HE” gave me, I just really don’t know what to do. In those days, I joined a choir in The Philippines. I wondered how to improve myself. I tried to train myself for singing lessons, but it wasn’t enough. When my former choir members were practicing, I sang very loudly. It was very unfair for some of my choir members when they were singing. They did the same thing. But, my maestro had not reacted. They were always blamed me even though I wasn’t around during practice. The worst experience that happened to me was I auditioned for one of the most famous composers in The Philippines (Ryan Cayabyab). My father wanted me to audition. So, I tried. During the audition, I saw people who wanted to become singers. They wore nice make-ups, fashionable clothes and so on. For me, I was very simple. I only wore jeans and a t-shirt. I think that this composer was very strict in choosing his “candidates” for becoming the famous singer. Of course, I wasn’t the one who became that. During the audition, I was very nervous. That was the reason that I did not succeed. From that day, I began to lose my own confidence, beliefs and dreams. People were laughing at me on their backs and I was very sensitive to my personal emotions. I knew some of my friends didn’t support me – as well. I composed many songs and poems. The only reason I wrote them was because of my personal emotions since childhood until the person I am now. I’ve always blamed myself for not being the perfect human individual. For instance, people called me weird, cross-eyed and unattractive. Nobody will ever fall in love with me seriously. Because of my hatred and anger at those times, I began to write songs and poems. “Just wait and see…” These are the words that come to my own mind to prove them that I’m not a weak person as they are. At the end, they will pay their own price. I will never forget the day will come.
I saw this white rose from my working place today and I decided to take a sniff of this gorgeous flower. Actually, nobody gave me (even) a single flower in my entire life. I had past relationships, but none of the men I fell in love with gave me a flower. I didn't even asked them because I thought that it was a huge common sense for them to give me flowers since they dated me. Nah. wala. Walang nagbigay saken ni-isang kusing. Grabe, noh? Yung nga lang ang hinihiling ko na hindi ko naman kailangang sabihan pa, pero hindi ako binigyan nito. Ano sila, tanga? Tanga nga talaga. Tanga nga sila.
I remembered from my previous job sa fast food restaurant sa Montreal, I saw my young co-worker and he brought a bouquet of roses to give it to his girlfriend - at that time. Break na sila dati pa, pero hindi ko malilimutan yung ginawa niyang iyon para sa dati niyang girlfriend. Wala naman ako gusto dun, natuwa lang naman ako sa ginawa niya. Naisip ko rin na sana may magbigay din yan saken. Kahit hindi ako umiimik nung time na yon, marami akong bagay na iniisip.
Noong araw ng mga puso ngayong taon, marami akong nakikitang mga kabataan na babae na nakatanggap ng mga rosas. "Hanep..." Sabi ko sa isip ko, "Talo ako." Pagkatapos, may nakita akong dalawang babaeng magkaibigan. Yung isa, may dalang isang pulang rosas. Pero, hindi maganda yung pagkahawak niya ng pulang rosas. Kung baga, wala iyong halaga para sa kanya. Baka siguro hindi niya type yung nagbigay sa kanya. Yun po ang observation ko.
Madami na ding nagsasabi saken na darating din ang panahon na may magbibigay saken ng mga bulaklak. I really don't know at this point, but I rather focus on things that matter to me.
