Playing The Piano (2.20.2011)

The Audition.

November 26, 2001

Time Finished: 12:00 A.M.

TITLE: THE AUDITION (TRUE STORY)

NOTE: I’VE WRITTEN THIS ONE ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO ON A PIECE OF PAPER. I JUST FOUND THIS WHEN I TRIED TO CLEAN MY OWN BEDROOM JUST THIS MORNING. I JUST WANT TO SHARE THIS PIECE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO IS EXPERIENCING DILEMMAS AT THIS POINT RIGHT NOW. I HOPE THAT THIS PIECE WILL BE YOUR INSPIRATION TO LIFT YOUR SPIRITS UP.

LANGUAGES: NORTH AMERICAN ENGLISH

It makes me feel uncomfortable when other people praised with “these people” with talents. Although, I have a talent that “HE” gave me, I just really don’t know what to do. In those days, I joined a choir in The Philippines. I wondered how to improve myself. I tried to train myself for singing lessons, but it wasn’t enough. When my former choir members were practicing, I sang very loudly. It was very unfair for some of my choir members when they were singing. They did the same thing. But, my maestro had not reacted. They were always blamed me even though I wasn’t around during practice.  The worst experience that happened to me was I auditioned for one of the most famous composers in The Philippines (Ryan Cayabyab). My father wanted me to audition. So, I tried. During the audition, I saw people who wanted to become singers. They wore nice make-ups, fashionable clothes and so on. For me, I was very simple. I only wore jeans and a t-shirt. I think that this composer was very strict in choosing his “candidates” for becoming the famous singer. Of course, I wasn’t the one who became that. During the audition, I was very nervous. That was the reason that I did not succeed. From that day, I began to lose my own confidence, beliefs and dreams. People were laughing at me on their backs and I was very sensitive to my personal emotions. I knew some of my friends didn’t support me – as well. I composed many songs and poems. The only reason I wrote them was because of my personal emotions since childhood until the person I am now. I’ve always blamed myself for not being the perfect human individual. For instance, people called me weird, cross-eyed and unattractive. Nobody will ever fall in love with me seriously. Because of my hatred and anger at those times, I began to write songs and poems. “Just wait and see…” These are the words that come to my own mind to prove them that I’m not a weak person as they are. At the end, they will pay their own price. I will never forget the day will come.

Flowers.

Languages: English and Filipino (Tagalog)


I saw this white rose from my working place today and I decided to take a sniff of this gorgeous flower. Actually, nobody gave me (even) a single flower in my entire life. I had past relationships, but none of the men I fell in love with gave me a flower. I didn't even asked them because I thought that it was a huge common sense for them to give me flowers since they dated me. Nah. wala. Walang nagbigay saken ni-isang kusing. Grabe, noh? Yung nga lang ang hinihiling ko na hindi ko naman kailangang sabihan pa, pero hindi ako binigyan nito. Ano sila, tanga? Tanga nga talaga. Tanga nga sila.


I remembered from my previous job sa fast food restaurant sa Montreal, I saw my young co-worker and he brought a bouquet of roses to give it to his girlfriend - at that time. Break na sila dati pa, pero hindi ko malilimutan yung ginawa niyang iyon para sa dati niyang girlfriend. Wala naman ako gusto dun, natuwa lang naman ako sa ginawa niya. Naisip ko rin na sana may magbigay din yan saken. Kahit hindi ako umiimik nung time na yon, marami akong bagay na iniisip.


Noong araw ng mga puso ngayong taon, marami akong nakikitang mga kabataan na babae na nakatanggap ng mga rosas. "Hanep..." Sabi ko sa isip ko, "Talo ako." Pagkatapos, may nakita akong dalawang babaeng magkaibigan. Yung isa, may dalang isang pulang rosas. Pero, hindi maganda yung pagkahawak niya ng pulang rosas. Kung baga, wala iyong halaga para sa kanya. Baka siguro hindi niya type yung nagbigay sa kanya. Yun po ang observation ko.


Madami na ding nagsasabi saken na darating din ang panahon na may magbibigay saken ng mga bulaklak. I really don't know at this point, but I rather focus on things that matter to me.