To the one I truly love and miss... (A letter that I can't truly send)

MY SPECIAL REQUEST BEFORE READING THIS MESSAGE: PLEASE PLAY THIS YOUTUBE MUSIC VIDEO AS YOU READ ALONG AND PLEASE PLAY THE SAME CLIP AGAIN - IF YOU ARE NOT FINISH READING THIS MESSAGE. I TRULY APPRECIATE THIS AND THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING.

To Matthieu,

My love for you will always shine like the sun, the moon and the stars around the brightest and darkest sky – like day and night. I will always be there for you – in spirit (No matter how far you are). I have no intention of interfering to your personal true happiness and desires on this planet Earth. Even though it really hurts me so much, not only to see you go away, but to see you falling in love with the person who can truly make you happy. And to that, there is nothing I could ever do – except to accept the fact that I am not the perfect person that you’re truly looking for.

You ignored my true feelings and I’ve got the message. I’ve been in love many times before I met you, but you made my life changed – in a better way. Meeting and falling in love with you created a better change in me – in a positive way (despite of my own battle against my personal inner demons, craziness, insanities and eternal darkness). I knew way back then, you wanted to enter to my own inner world by knowing few things about me, the usual places I wanted to go and the few words I could ever said to you. But, did you ever know what was going on with my head? Did you ever know what was going on in my own personal heart? If you want, I can show you…one by one – in many different forms of art. And yes, that includes love… my true love.

You know, you’re not the most perfect human being ever exist on this entire Universe. You don't have the creative abilities. You do not possess any of the visual and musical talent abilities. Many people hate you the way you run and manage things around. But me, what I cannot truly comprehend is…why am I so madly in love with you? Why do I have this feeling that I truly belong to you? Why could I accept you just the way you truly are? You know? The real you? Even I remember the times when you were so mad at me. I even remember about your personal inner jealousies when I tried to hear conversations from different people. You know, the time at the office? During office break on that day? During the time when you called and shouted my name for no reason – at all? And then, you came out from your office room to look for me – even though I was there? How in the world I can truly forget? How could I personally forget that I assumed the fact that you felt something special to me? Was that all a bunch of lies? I maybe right. I thought I knew many things about you, I realize I don’t.

Since that day, when I saw your photograph – kissing your own personal girl toy at some local cheap bar: THAT SHOCKED ME. My life has totally and completely changed. People around me from both past and present seem to me that they don’t recognize me anymore. Maybe they just don’t know me – in the first place. Maybe after all this time, before I even met you, I was just pretending about what kind of person I was. I just tried to hide all of my own personal sadness, pains and miseries – throughout the years of my own personal existence in this world.

I know that I did the rightful thing and I do it the hardest way. Unlike you, I had different experiences of what it was like to be tormented by the men I loved and respected. I even gave my soul to the devil because I was so stupid. I just want to be loved. That is all I freakin’ want. And THAT is all I freakin’ need.

To you, I knew you are making fun of me while reading this some sort of piece of crap. I’ll never going to see that with my own naked eyes, anyway.

I know that I completely lost the fight of wanting you to be with me. I know that for some unusual reason, you are not worried about it – at all. I’ll be fine. You’ll see me one day – when many people recognize my own personal works of art. I can prove it to the world that I embrace my true sense of self for who I am, what I truly become and people will remember my battle scars of my own personal heart. Alam kong Tagalog na itong sentence na ito, pero ipapakikita ko sa pagmumukha mo na mareregret mo balang araw (at sisiguraduhin ko talaga yan.) I will make sure of this. I can guarantee this. Life is like a major business deal, after all.

It’s good to feel this way – to feel so much pain. That’s why I love art. That’s why I love life. That is the reason I exist: To live my own life creatively…

My love can truly protect you – even if I don’t exist in your life anymore… I am the true warrior, after all: THE TRUE GODDESS WARRIOR OF LOVE that can truly protect you in spirit(until the day I die, until the day I can truly forget you or until the day I will fall in love with the right person). The rightful angel that can protect and guide you – even this angel has sold herself to the devil.

I believe it’s the end of my weakest sides. I can truly show you how strong I can truly become.

A letter that I can't truly send.

Created by: Melissa Redrino

Date: March 4, 2011

Day and Time: Friday at 11:30 P.M.
Place: Jewish General Hospital


On the side note: Whoever reads this except this guy, Sorry about being so EMO. I have the right to express how I truly feel. The reason I can't send this message to him: He can't reply to me, anyway.